00:25.7
Hi, my name is Colin Amboy.
00:27.5
I am Za, and I was a former 1990s pro-male kid
00:33.4
and I totally failed at being that.
00:35.5
Ako ay umasa sa parents ko for the last 20 years.
00:38.8
A long time for me to be, depending on my parents.
00:41.7
Yung big life failure ko was
00:43.6
hindi ako nakagraduate alongside my friends.
00:46.9
It has been experienced by me multiple times
00:49.6
simula dun sa pagpaplano na makapasok sa UP
00:52.5
and then staying in college for more than six years.
00:56.4
Supposedly, sabay-sabay.
00:57.5
Big deal siya to me kasi parang yun na yung feeling ko na
01:00.6
sobrang napag-iwanan na ako.
01:02.9
Wala na akong kasabay, wala na akong karamay.
01:05.1
It's so painful and parang mental torture siya.
01:08.6
Kasi you look at people, you look at your batchmates,
01:11.6
passing yung subject na yun, tapos ako, bakit hindi ko kaya?
01:14.6
It's really embarrassing.
01:15.9
Ang laki-laki ko na, ang tanda-tanda ko na,
01:18.2
humihingi pa ako ng tulong sa parents ko.
01:20.3
There was always this expectation na nakakabit sa akin
01:23.1
in everything that I would do,
01:24.8
na parang nakakahiya.
01:27.5
If hindi ko makuha lahat ng awards sa school,
01:31.3
I considered myself a failure na.
01:34.4
So, my question is,
01:35.9
what was the defining factor na naging aware ka
01:40.5
And what made you accept it?
01:43.7
Kitang-kita ko eh.
01:44.8
Putol yung kuryente, wala akong tubig,
01:47.4
I had no stable job.
01:49.1
All those things really pointed out and shouted out that fact.
01:54.5
It was more like a process.
01:57.5
Tapos, pahirap ng pahirap yung school.
01:59.9
Doon ko na-realize na, oh my gosh, I'm falling behind.
02:02.7
Maraming ups and downs yun eh.
02:03.9
Maraming ako nabagsak, niretake.
02:05.5
Hanggang sa nandun na ako sa dulo,
02:07.0
tatapusin mo na lang, sinarahan pa ako ng pinto.
02:09.5
What made me accept the failure, maybe I didn't.
02:13.0
I was running away from the fact that all pointed out that,
02:16.0
you know, hey, you have to do something about your life.
02:19.5
And for the longest time, I ran away from them.
02:21.4
For me to accept it is to look at it na binigay ko yung best ko,
02:25.5
pero kung hindi pa yun yung best,
02:27.5
para doon sa subject na yun, the next time, I'll do better.
02:30.7
At the time, hindi ko actually na-accept siya.
02:32.9
Kasi when you're at that point, parang sinasabi niya sa'yo na hindi ka bagay dito.
02:36.9
Look at everyone else.
02:38.2
Sila, tapos na sila, ano yun.
02:40.9
Pero ikaw, hanggang dyan ka pa rin.
02:42.9
It took me more than a decade para ma-accept ko na,
02:46.6
you know, maybe these failures, they might be redirections or they might be lessons.
02:51.3
As a psych major, I want to ask, how does failure affect your mental health?
02:57.5
As I was getting more and more failing marks,
02:59.7
medyo na-realize ko na, oh no, something might be wrong na rin with me.
03:04.7
It took a long time, actually.
03:06.2
Ang dami kong mga kinonsult, I got a lot of counseling,
03:09.1
na-diagnose na nga ako, I had ADHD.
03:11.5
That was kind of like a light bulb moment in my head na parang,
03:15.2
oh wow, this must be one of the reasons kung bakit nagsastruggle ako to keep up.
03:20.4
There was an incident in 2017 that I tried to commit suicide.
03:25.1
Hindi siya dahil doon sa subject na yun.
03:26.8
Ipatong-patong na kasi yung problems, yung failures, tapos parang nag-give in ako.
03:31.2
I was not able to trust myself anymore.
03:34.8
Doon ko naramdaman, doon ko naramdaman na my mental fortitude, yung paniniwala ko sa sarili ko is very weak.
03:41.0
Parang isipin mo ikaw yung pinakakawawan tao sa mundo.
03:44.0
Trailed ka talaga eh.
03:45.2
Iisipin mo na yung susunod na time na magtatry ka, parang wala yan, di mo yung makakakamit.
03:50.0
I was actually pretty resilient even back then.
03:54.0
When I grew older,
03:54.8
I learned other coping mechanisms.
03:58.0
I also learned how to be in denial and not to look at reality square in the eye.
04:04.0
Yes, it helped me cope but it's a bad way of coping kasi it made matters only worse.
04:11.0
So, did you receive support from others during your failure?
04:16.0
If so, how did their support contribute to your recovery and eventual success?
04:23.0
Actually, this is the biggest thing.
04:24.8
Sobrang binabalyo ko during those times kasi hindi ako iniwan ng mga kaibigan ko.
04:31.0
There were always people who believed in me.
04:33.0
They saw something in me that I couldn't see for the longest time.
04:37.0
They kept me believing that I could bounce back and find myself.
04:41.0
Parang just where I am right now is because of my friends.
04:45.0
And it's also the realization na it could still get better, it's not the end.
04:50.0
I did get a lot of support from family and friends.
04:53.8
And I think that was a big factor din kung bakit.
04:59.0
I was able to keep going.
05:01.0
Even though my parents were occasionally disappointed in me,
05:05.0
it came to a point na anak, as long as matapos mo, it's fine.
05:09.0
May-repute ko dito yung financial support tsaka moral support ng mga tao sa university.
05:15.0
Two months ako na 20 lang yung baon ko sa isang araw.
05:19.0
So, during that time, may mga nag-ooffer ng foodstuff.
05:22.8
Iba-iba pang free meals.
05:25.0
Hindi ko sure kung paano sila naglitawan lahat during those time na kailangan ko.
05:29.0
And it was all a matter of the circle of friends and family that you keep with you.
05:35.0
How did you manage to bounce back to stay on your feet again and fight again?
05:39.0
Para sa akin, introspection.
05:41.0
Number one, try to look within. Tingnan mo kung saan ka exactly na nagkakamali.
05:47.0
Try to figure out what else you can do, what you can do better.
05:50.0
And just keep trying and trying and trying.
05:51.8
Because if you never fail, it's as if you never try.
05:56.0
In 2019, doon ako pumunta ng Amerika.
05:59.0
Maybe this is my chance to make something for myself.
06:03.0
I felt something that I haven't felt for my entire life.
06:06.0
Which is to really work hard and be proud of what you do.
06:10.0
It gave me a perspective of myself.
06:13.0
Pwede pala akong maging ganito.
06:15.0
And because of that, nakaipon ako. Nakabili ako ng bahay.
06:19.0
And in a few months, I'm about to get married.
06:20.8
Minsan alam ko na eh. Alam ko na kung magpe-fail.
06:24.0
Or alam ko na kung ano yung best effort na kaya kong ibigay para mag-succeed sa isang bagay.
06:29.0
Nakakutuban ko kung magpe-fail yung isang bagay na ginagawa ko.
06:33.0
Meron akong preventive measures.
06:35.0
O pinag-iisipan ko kay full planning in terms of dealing with those failures.
06:39.0
And then standing up again to those failures.
06:42.0
What if I try one thing and if I get good at it?
06:45.0
So yun, I attempted to make my own YouTube channel.
06:48.0
It was partly because, yun nga.
06:49.8
Wala rin ako magawa sa oras ko.
06:52.0
I don't know. It just made me feel good.
06:54.0
Kasi yun yun eh. Parang, parang shit may ginagawa ako.
06:57.0
May kapasidad pa pala ako.
06:59.0
Hindi pala ako na-strip away of the things that defined who I am.
07:03.0
Which was, I always thought I was a doer.
07:05.0
And dun ko naramdaman na magbabounce back na ako.
07:08.0
Magbabounce back pa lang.
07:09.0
Does it still hurt knowing you failed? And how did you cope up with this?
07:13.0
It's funny na lang looking back.
07:15.0
Kasi nag-shift na rin naman ako completely dun sa parang my academics have to define me.
07:19.8
Parang I am the sum of my life experiences.
07:24.0
And all the lessons that I've learned.
07:26.0
And all the people that I know.
07:28.0
Sa akin hindi na masakit kasi I will know kung mag-fail ang isang ginagawa ko or no.
07:33.0
Usually kasi ano, kapag may ginagawa ko, iniisip ko na kung ano yung mga pwedeng options, pwedeng mangyari.
07:39.0
Pero naka-backup plan kung ano yung pwede kong gawin.
07:42.0
Did it hurt that 20 years akong umasa sa parents ko?
07:45.0
It's embarrassing.
07:46.0
But the lessons that I've learned, daladala ko siya.
07:50.0
They don't hurt anymore.
07:51.0
Ang daming blessings despite all the failures.
07:55.0
For context lang, so parang to build on my previous story.
07:58.0
The school where I attended would put my face all over the school.
08:03.0
Kasi ano ako dun parang academic achiever.
08:06.0
Tapos marami akong extracurricular activities.
08:08.0
And then nilagay ka sa college.
08:11.0
Tapos everyone's important.
08:13.0
Everyone's succeeding except you.
08:16.0
I guess parang sobrang sakit lang talaga na achiever ka.
08:18.8
And then suddenly, nothing ka.
08:21.0
What is the one thing that you are most grateful for when you actually fail at some point of your life or career?
08:27.0
Definitely the lessons.
08:29.0
Every failure has a special lesson that it can teach us.
08:34.0
And it's only from having experienced that, that you can move forward.
08:39.0
Applying that lesson.
08:40.0
There was this point nung nag-viral yung story ko.
08:43.0
People are trying to message me.
08:45.0
Nakikita ko sa live ko parang wala na akong pag-assign.
08:47.8
Dahil sa story mo, nagkaroon ako ng konting hope.
08:51.0
Grateful ako na my story has been really inspirational to others.
08:56.0
Na hindi ko ine-expect yung mga tao na mas magkakaroon ng hope sa life nila.
09:01.0
I am grateful for God.
09:03.0
I'm also thankful for family and friends, yung fiance ko.
09:06.0
And I'm thankful for all the failures that I've experienced so far.
09:10.0
Because they've strengthened me to this point that this failure doesn't feel so painful.
09:15.8
It doesn't sting as much.
09:17.0
I'm really grateful for everything that has happened in my life so far.
09:20.0
It's the opportunity to have even tried at all.
09:23.0
The fact na natawid mo yung part na nasubukan mo, ibig sabihin may capacity ka talaga.
09:28.0
The happiness that I got from the idea na kaya ko pala was so profound and so much.
09:33.0
It was so enough for me to actually move on ulit sa buhay.
09:37.0
What piece of advice would you like to give to someone who experienced failure?
09:41.0
The advice that I can give is to never give up.
09:44.8
Try to imagine yourself walking on that path tapos pagiging.
09:49.0
Then doon sa dulo, sa kabila, nandun ka.
09:52.0
Para sa akin, number one, it's fail forward.
09:55.0
Make use of your failures as a tool to move you forward, to move you where you want to go.
09:60.0
Or to move you to a different direction.
10:02.0
Mind your expectations.
10:04.0
Madalas kasi it's our expectations that lead to disappointment.
10:09.0
My best advice would be to take personal responsibility for your life.
10:13.8
Be responsible for your life to the point that you will refuse to give up because you've taken your life so far.
10:22.0
Yun yung dahilan bakit ako naka-bounce back even after 20 years of being in a rut.
10:27.0
I won't be blaming anyone. I won't be blaming my past traumatic experiences.
10:33.0
Just have that personal belief that if you feel responsible for your life and don't blame anyone else, you will set the world on fire.
10:41.0
Everyone struggles.
10:41.8
Yung one chapter na yun could be insignificant in the future to what else, to what bigger things that's in store for you.
10:50.0
Look at the good things, count the good things, count the bad things.
10:54.0
Kung mas marami pa rin good things in your life, that means you can still keep going.
10:59.0
And I'm sure mas marami pa rin good things in your life right now.
11:11.8
Thank you for watching!
11:14.0
If you liked this video, please subscribe to my channel.
11:17.0
And if you want to see more videos like this, please subscribe to my channel.
